OUR
REGULAR GAME NO. 23
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The
secret journal in which Bobby Jones revealed the mysteries of easy golf
contains some remarkable insights.
Unfortunately, parts of the journal, which was discovered in a
footlocker in the basement of the Bragg’s Point Golf Club, have
deteriorated over the years and are difficult to read.
However, Charley Hunter and I assembled a team of forensic
experts to restore the document to its original condition.
Through the use of such advanced techniques as radio isotoping
and carbon dating, we are now able to understand more about the contents
of this wondrous document.
For one thing, we now know that many pages of the journal were
smudged with what tests reveal to be drops of milk and a grainy material.
Further qualitative analysis has enabled us to determine that the
grainy material is Rice Krispies. Thus,
by employing the scientific method, we have deduced that Jones often wrote
entries in his journal over breakfast.
Of course, a good scientist is never satisfied until he has
exhausted what he can gain from the available material.
Thus, we suspected there was more to be learned from the milk and
Rice Krispies than just the time of day when Jones wrote in his secret
journal.
Again employing the scientific method, we have concluded — albeit
tentatively — that milk and Rice Krispies are perhaps the staple of a
special golf diet. Jones’s
autobiography, Down the Fairway, conspicuously avoids discussing
his dietary habits. Charley
and I believe this confirms that one of the keys to easy golf is knowing
what to eat for breakfast. Jones
didn’t say anything about this in Down the Fairway, of course,
because it was part of the “secrets” kept in his Bragg’s Point
journal.
There is other historical evidence to confirm this.
Seamus Auchterlonie, who caddied for Jones that fateful day when he
walked off the Old Course at St. Andrews after an embarrassingly bad
performance, recently revealed that Jones had eaten a cheese danish for
breakfast that morning. Auchterlonie, who is remarkably prescient despite being 93
years old and confined to the St. Andrews Home for the Criminally Insane,
said that Jones was visibly upset when told by the kitchen steward at the
Royal & Ancient clubhouse that they were out of Rice Krispies that
day.
As many of you know, Tiger Woods has appeared on the face of a
Wheaties box. Our scientific
team believes that this is a diversionary tactic, again part of the
conspiracy to hide the real secrets of easy golf from the rest of us.
To make it clear: It’s not Wheaties; it’s Rice Krispies.
As for the milk, we believe that full-strength milk is preferable.
You may want to experiment with skim, but do so at your own risk.
About the Author
J. Michael Veron is the acclaimed author of The
Greatest Player Who Never Lived and The
Greatest Course That Never Was. His third novel, tentatively titled
The Caddie, is scheduled for release in the spring of 2002.
Mike's work has earned him the title of "master
of fiction" from USA Today, and Travel and Leisure Golf Magazine
has called him "The
John Grisham of Golf." In addition, the New York Times hailed The
Greatest Player as "Golf's
Literary Rookie of the Year," and the Seattle Times ranked The
Greatest Player as second on its all-time list of "Five Wonderful
Golf Books." At one time,
The Greatest Player and The
Greatest Course were the first and third best-selling sports fiction
in the country.
Please contact us
for more information on Mike and his work.
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